


The Case Files of Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq. (volume 1)

by AltUniverseWash



Series: Forever After [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Aromantic, Aromantic Character, Aromanticism, Asexual Character, Asexuality, CalJuneRoxy, Casey - Freeform, Coming Out, Coping, Depression, Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq, Existential Angst, Existential Crisis, F/F, F/F/F/F, F/NonBinary/NonBinary, Friendship, Lesbian Character, Light-Hearted, Loving relationships, Multi, Mutualism, Non-binary character, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), Polyamory, Post-Endgame, Self Image, Serious fuck the epilogues, Support Systems, Supportive Relationships, Therapy, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Unrequited Love, What If Everyone Actually Got Therapy?, alt-epilogue, fuck the homestuck epilogues, multi partner relationships, positivity, relationships, self discovery, self improvement, self worth, uplifting, vriskanroserezi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22545595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AltUniverseWash/pseuds/AltUniverseWash
Summary: These are the true-life case files of Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq., the smartest and most adorable Doctor-Professor on all of Earth-C!Get a rare peek inside the world of Dr. June's esteemed therapy practice as she offers life advice and brings people together so they can all be happier, healthier, and better friends.This is an episodic fic with heavy emphasis on character relationships, told primarily using chat dialogue and other forms of text media. It takes place in an alt-epilogue AU with many of my other works (starting with the Forever Hole). Although reading those isn't strictly necessary to enjoy this, it will definitely help to understand the character dynamics.
Relationships: Calliope / June Egbert / Roxy LaLonde, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam/Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Series: Forever After [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1664167
Comments: 31
Kudos: 34





	1. The Case of the Reluctant Sp8der

**Author's Note:**

> This should be read AFTER "They All Live Here Now" and BEFORE "Golgotha's Shadow" in order to fully understand what's going on!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. June helps someone with a traumatic and troubled past realize that they are loved by others, and perhaps a thousand years of self-reflective punishment is more than enough to warrant a small amount of mercy.

Patient presented themselves with issues communicating with one of their partners. Patient is a 27 (or 1,013-ish depending on how you count pocket dimensional time loops) year old Alternian woman named Vriska Serket.

Enclosed is a collection of chat logs, diary entries, and other forms of media to document this case. All information is protected by Dr.Prof./Patient confidentiality.

  
[AG/EB]  
AG: Hey Juuuuuuuune  
AG: I need some help with something... sensitive  
EB: Of course, Vriska. I am Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq.  
EB: I have many credentials and also type in complete sentences with periods.  
EB: Did you know that I have a real degree?  
AG: Did you alchemize a diploma?  
EB: …  
EB: …  
EB: No.  
EB: Maybe.  
AG: uggggggggh  
AG: Never mind  
AG: You're still 8etter than Dave  
AG: who told me I needed to to 8e in "chillmax prison"  
AG: which I'm pretty sure isn't a real place  
EB: I don’t think you need to be in any kind of prison, Vriska  
EB: What’s on your mind?  


* * *

[AG/EB]  
AG: So I looked up "asexual" on the Carapacian internet   
AG: (Rose told me that's the human word for what Terezi feels)   
AG: 8ut they have a really shitty selection of we8sites   
AG: All I found was a site that said "a sexual is a thing that humans do sometimes"   
AG: What the fuck does that even mean?!   
EB: Why didn’t you just ask Terezi how she feels specifically?   
AG: I did!   
AG: 8ut also…   
AG: I wanted to 8e supportive and help her feel accepted   
AG: I thought may8e other people felt like that   
AG: 8ut I don't think the Carapacians think of sex the same way   
EB: What about the New Alternians? Or the Sea Nation?   
AG: The new alternians have some 8ullshit a8out quadrants   
AG: They're DIFFERENT quadrants than 8efore   
AG: 8ut still the same stupid shit   
AG: So that's not gr8   
AG: …   
AG: The sea trolls have something they call 8u88lenet   
AG: and I can't log onto it   
EB: So you messaged your good friend Dr. June Egbert   
EB: hmm hmm hmm   
EB: A wise decision, if a correct one

* * *

[AG/EB]   
EB: Callie and I did some reading in some books they had access to   
EB: Not a lot of information, but from what we could find…   
EB: it doesn’t sound too complicated   
EB: Terezi basically doesn’t feel the same need to have sex like you or me   
EB: Maybe she feels good doing it, but if she doesn’t have sex it doesn’t get to her   
EB: So she might do it to make her partners happy, or just to feel good herself   
EB: But it doesn’t connect to her in the same way   
AG: Is it weird I'm afraid of hurting her?   
AG: Like I don't want to make her uncomforta8le   
AG: I'm afraid to suggest stuff sometimes   
EB: Has she set limits on what she’s okay with?   
AG: Some, 8ut not everything is specific   
EB: So remember what she says and talk to her without being pushy

* * *

[AG/EB]   
AG: I had another pro8lem   
AG: May8e you can apply your Dr Prof 8rain to it   
EB: =|8B   
EB: That’s my Doctor Professor top hat   
EB: For my giant brain!   
AG: I am immedi8ly and permanently regretting this   
EB: Don’t be like that, Vriska!   
EB: I promise not to be silly for at least the duration of this conversation!   
AG: Fiiiiiiiine   
AG: Okay so I was talking with Rose   
AG: May8e it got a little... intim8... conversation-wise!   
AG: May8e a little flirty   
AG: And may8e Kanaya suggested that we   
AG: Just Please Go Do It Already So I Can Read Quietly For The Next Twenty Minutes   
EB: hee hee that does sound like her   
AG: Rose starts 8lushing and kind of laughs it off   
AG: 8ut Kanaya was 8eing serious   
AG: And…   
AG: ugggggggggh…   
AG: …   
AG: I kinda wanted to do it   
AG: May8e a lot wanted to do it   
AG: …   
AG: Oh jegus if you tell anyone I will h8 you forever

* * *

[EB/GA]   
EB: Excuse me, Kanaya - can I get a quick confirmation on something that came up?   
EB: In a session. Unfortunately I cannot divulge the name of the source for this   
EB: But did you say, and this is a direct quote:   
EB: “Just Please Go Do It Already So I Can Read Quietly For The Next Twenty Minutes”   
EB: With regards to the potential for certain types of consensual amorous activity   
EB: between two parties you are currently in a partnership with   
GA: June That Is Absurd   
GA: Obviously I Was Completely Misunderstood On A Fundamental Level   
GA: As To The Facts Of The Matter What I Said Precisely Was   
GA: Just Please Go Have Sex Already So I Can Read Quietly For The Next Thirty Minutes

* * *

[EB/AG]   
EB: So why didn’t you have sex with Rose?   
AG: Whaaaaaaaat?   
AG: What a crazy thing to say   
AG: 8ecause even if that were a thing I wanted to do   
AG: why would you even ask me that?   
EB: Because you told me like ten minutes ago you wanted to   
EB: Vriska…    
EB: You’re acting like Terezi is a glass egg that you’re going to break   
EB: You keep going back and forth about Rose   
EB: But you keep focusing on your worry   
EB: Why don’t you talk to me about VRISKA and what she feels right now?   
AG: …   
AG: Vriska is afraid she's going to hurt everyone all over again   
AG: 8ecause she spent what felt like a thousand years reliving all of it   
AG: Every time I saw what I did to Terezi or Tavros   
AG: People I claimed I was friends with   
AG: The woman I loved   
AG: …   
AG: Now may8e Vriska is terrified she's a 8roken monster   
AG: who no one can love and who's only good at hurting everyone   
EB: I don’t think that feeling is just going to go away one day   
EB: But I do think you should tell your partners about it   
EB: Unless you’ve already done that?   
AG: No…

* * *

[group chat]   
AG created the group So I Have Something To Tell You   
AG added GC, TT, GA   
AG: So this is gonna 8e long and ram8ling 8ut please listen   
AG: I never told you a lot of stuff a8out when I was gone   
AG: None of you... not even Rezi   
AG: …   
AG: I was in the 8lack hole for what felt like 976 years   
AG: I have no idea how I even know that, 8ut that's the num8er   
AG: I relived all the 8ad stuff I ever did   
AG: Like... the stuff I did to Tavros I lived through 22,619 times... exactly   
AG: I counted   
AG: …   
AG: I could understand what was happening 8ut nothing I did stopped it   
AG: I was forced to watch myself do those horri8le things   
AG: Over   
AG: and over   
AG: and over again   
AG: So…   
AG: if I get kinda weird, please 8e patient with me   
AG: 8ecause... I feel like you all deserve 8etter than me   
AG: 8ut I love all of you so much   
AG: I love the life we have together   
AG: And I don't want that all to end 8ecause you all realize…   
AG: that I'm a 8ad person   
AG: ::::(........   
TT: Vriska we need to talk to you offline   
GA: Rose Is Absolutely Correct   
GC: R1GHT TH3 FUCK NOW, VR1S!

* * *

Dear Diary,

I was so afraid when they told me they needed to talk to me. I got off the computer and walked into the study and I was convinced that they were going to yell at me. I was sure that Rezi was going to tell me she hated me now, and that she remembered everything I did to her on Alternia and didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was sure Kanaya was going to tell me I never loved her in the first place and was just playing with her. Rose was going to be disgusted with me and never want to speak to me again.

I walked into the study and they were all sitting there. Kanaya was in her favorite chair in the corner, sitting in that fussy way she does with her legs crossed and her hands kind of folded in her lap. Rose was sitting on the floor near the chair, cross-legged. Terezi was standing and kind of leaning against the wall, looking down like she had something to say.

So I walked into the room and looked around and I was getting ready for them to start yelling. And Terezi walks up to me, and she puts her hands on my face, and she looks right at me…

And she tells me “I’m sorry” and I could see tears in her eyes and she kissed me on the lips.

I’ve never been so confused in my life!

She looks at me again and she tells me she didn’t realize I’d been re-living everything so many times. And she tells me she should’ve realized when she saw how different I was when I got back. And then she just started… talking.

She said she hated the way things were on Alternia, and how we always had to fight each other, and how everything was built on hatred and violence and competition. She hated Doc Scratch and everything he stood for. She hated the way it warped and twisted us.

She told me that she had been so happy when I showed up again because it gave us a chance to do things right this time. And when she saw how much I’d changed, she felt comfortable telling me about her asexuality (that’s the word for it! I learned that word!) and how she felt about me and everything. And when I listened to her, she said that made her feel happy and safe and loved.

Terezi sits down on the floor near Rose and then Kanaya walks over to me and she puts her arms around me and she was just… holding me. And I could feel how warm she was and smell her perfume and… I don’t know… I felt safe.

Kanaya didn’t say much – she was talking very softly, but I think I remember everything…

She said:

“I love you very much. I think I have always loved you. I know that you love me back, and that makes me happy. I try not to worry about the specific route we took to get here, and focus on where we are.”

And she held me very close and I could feel her fingers in my hair and then it’s over way too soon and she goes and sits down again.

Rose didn’t get up – she asked me to come sit with her, so I sat down on the floor next to her and she was in my lap and really close and she smelled nice too and…

She told me she loved me. I don’t think she actually said that before.

She kissed me. On the neck. The exact same spot as that one night last year and I’m pretty sure she did that on purpose.

And then they were all sitting around me on the floor and we were talking and they were all telling me how much they cared about me and how glad they were that I felt safe enough around them to open up about what happened. And I tried to explain but… I don’t know if I even understand myself what happened, but I tried.

I’ve never felt like this before. I was so lonely on Alternia. So afraid of myself. I hated myself so much and it ate into everything I ever did.

I’m not used to feeling this way… to feeling loved. To feeling like I’m not a complete piece of shit. I’m really trying to do better.

* * *

[GC/AG]   
GC: 1 D1DN'T KNOW   
GC: 1'M SORRY   
GC: 1 KNOW W3 T4LK3D 4BOUT 4 LOT OF 1T   
GC: BUT 1 H4D NO 1D34 HOW B4D 1T W4S   
GC: …   
GC: 1 G3T 1T NOW   
GC: WHY YOU S33M3D SO D1FF3R3NT WH3N YOU GOT B4CK   
AG: I was afraid you'd h8 me   
AG: Or 8e afraid of me   
AG: Or just... not love me anymore   
GC: 1... TH1NK 1 KNOW HOW YOU F33L   
GC: 1 W4S SO SUR3 YOU'D H4T3 M3 1F 1 TOLD YOU HOW 1 F3LT   
GC: BUT YOU D1DN'T   
GC: YOU K3PT LOV1NG M3   
AG: We were 8oth 8eing stupid   
GC: Y3P >:]

* * *

[So I Have Something To Tell You]   
GC: 1F 1T PL34S3S TH3 COURT 1 W4NT TH1S ON R3CORD!   
GC: 1 LOV3 VR1SK4 S3RK3T!   
GA: Oh Is This What We Are Doing Right Now?   
GA: This Seems Like A Very Worthwhile Thing To Do   
GA: I Also Love Vriska Serket   
TT: I guess it’s what we’re doing right now. That’s not what I expected.   
TT: But expectations were made to be defied, I suppose.   
TT: I love Vriska Serket too.   
AG: 8888O   
AG: (that was a wide-eyed surprise spider)

* * *

[AG/EB]   
AG: So they all just started telling me they loved me   
AG: This feels weird…   
AG: …   
AG: 8ut... not in a 8ad way.   
AG: I'm not used to 8eing anything other than h8ed.   
EB: That feeling will go away, eventually   
EB: You’re not a bad person, Vriska   
AG: 8ut how can anyone SAY that?   
AG: Why the fuck do you all LOVE me?!   
AG: I DID SO MANY 8AD THINGS!   
EB: Why don’t you ask them that question?

* * *

[So I Have Something To Tell You]   
AG: So…   
AG: why?   
AG: Why do you all love me?   
AG: You know what I've done.   
AG: How many trolls I killed.   
AG: How terri8le I was.   
AG: Why the fuck do you all care so much?!   
TT: In the end, the dead know peace. In the end, the dead know no suffering.   
TT: Only the living suffer, for only the living remain to keep the memory of suffering itself.   
TT: Let us therefore exalt not the dead, but instead grant mercy unto the living…   
TT: for only in mercy can the living know peace as well…   
TT: …   
TT: Something I read in a book that seemed appropriate   
TT: Some humans had an idea of something we called “restorative justice”   
TT: The idea was that instead of blindly punishing and hurting someone   
TT: they would instead do everything they could to make amends and heal those they hurt.   
TT: You suffered so much for so long.   
TT: It would’ve been easy for you to come back full of rage and ready to destroy this world.   
TT: But you came back...    
TT: I don’t know how to put it…   
TT: Oh shit words are failing me and this never happens   
GC: YOU C4M3 B4CK FROM H3LL B3C4US3 YOU LOV3D M3.   
GC: 3V3N 4FT3R TH4T, YOU H3LD M3 WH3N 1 W4S SC4R3D 4T N1GHT.   
GC: WH3N 1 C4M3 OUT TO YOU... YOU W3R3 G3NTL3 TO M3   
GC: YOU L1ST3N3D TO M3   
GC: YOU D1DN'T TRY TO FORC3 M3 TO DO 4NYTH1NG   
GC: YOU D1DN'T 3V3N TH1NK 4BOUT TRY1NG TO DO TH4T   
GC: YOU M4D3 M3 F33L... 1MPORT4NT... SP3C14L…   
GC: LOV3D   
GA: I Remember When You Told Me About The Time Loop   
GA: About What Happened To Rose And Myself   
GA: And About What Happened To Me Specifically   
GA: You Did Everything You Could To Make Sure That Never Happened   
GA: To Keep Rose And I Together   
GA: And When I Told You How I Felt About You Later You Were   
GA: Tender   
GA: You Never Mocked Me Or Made Me Feel Bad   
GA: You Were Considerate And Kind   
GA: You Opened Your Heart To Me Without Closing It Off To Others   
TT: You were honest with me   
TT: You told me how you felt, and you listened to me tell you how I felt   
TT: You could’ve taken advantage of the fact that I was physically attracted to you   
TT: but instead you decided that you would slow down so I could see how I felt.   
TT: And when I started realizing I was falling in love with you   
TT: you were loving and didn’t make me feel bad about my decision   
GC: S3R1OUSLY   
GC: 1F YOU C4N'T S33 WHY W3 4LL LOV3 YOU 4FT3R TH1S   
GC: 1 TH1NK 1T'S T1M3 FOR SOM3 R34D1NG GL4SS3S >:]   
TT changed the name of the group to People Who Love Vriska

* * *

Dear Diary,

I think maybe I had this thing wrong.

I got so used to hating myself that I never stopped to consider there might be a time when I didn’t do that anymore.

All the energy I poured into looking like I had my shit together when I was really falling apart at the seams all the fucking time.

And then spending those… centuries in the other place. Having to constantly confront what I’d been and done.

But hearing them all say those things about me. Seeing how they look at me when we’re together. Seeing how much they all love me and I don’t have to put on an act or be a different person. Because I guess I already am a different person.

Vriska Serket died six years ago when I fell into the black hole. Vriska Serket was born nine hundred years later when I crawled out again.

I’m wondering if maybe…

I don’t hate myself as much anymore.


	2. The Case of the House Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. June offers to help in an unexpected situation - a member of her own household is looking for support and advice coming out as non-binary!

Patient is a 26-year-old human woman named Roxy LaLonde. She is presenting with unspecified issues and has repeatedly been told to contact the Dr. Prof. through official channels ONLY and not to “stop for a quick chat, real quick” in the hallway on taco night!

Enclosed is a collection of chat logs, diary entries, and other forms of media to document this case. All information is protected by Dr.Prof./Patient confidentiality.

[TG/EB]   
TG: okaaay June what tf is the deal? Why cant I just talk to you in person again?   
EB: Ah ah ah – I’m not June   
EB: I’m Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq, esteemed Doctor Professor   
EB: and also very professional therapist!   
TG: siiiiiiigh   
TG: fine, doc. Can I maybe talk to u for a sec?   
EB: Of course – have you made an appointment with my assistant yet?   
TG: wait wat?   
TG: You’re WHAT?!   
TG: you don’t have an assistant thats stupid!   
EB: Au contraire   
EB: (that’s fancy French for “on contrary” I think)   
EB: If the patient doesn’t mind, my assistant Casey will be sitting in on this session   
TG: uh… okay…   
EB added CaseyEgbert (CE) to the chat   
CE: aeqjfdjakjjfhhshs!!!!   
EB: Excellent, Casey, I am excited to get to work as well!   
EB: Do you have any comments for our patient at this time?   
CE: iupoiuoriojdfiojdijo!!!!!!!   
EB: Ah yes. Good, good.   
TG: Wait… hold on a second… brb   
EB: Wait Roxy, you aren’t allowed into my office while I’m conducting…   
EB: dfskl;dfg

* * *

[TG/EB/CE]   
TG: A lab coat?!   
EB: Standard Doctor Professor attire, I assure you!   
TG: i’m p sure shrinks didn’t usually wear those   
EB: Tut tut tut… who is the expert here?   
TG: I mean, technically?   
CE: k;lk;lk;lsk;ls;lkdj!   
EB: Very good point, Casey! I do believe the patient is side tracking!   
TG: oh jesus christ   
EB: So what precisely is the matter you wanted to discuss?   
EB: If it was important enough to pre-empt tacos, well…   
EB: It must be quite something!   
TG: Oooh kay okay   
TG: so i’ve been doing a lot of thinking   
TG: about stuff. Like… who I am   
TG: I uh… I don’t know if I’m a woman   
EB: Neat! Are you trans, like me then? That’s awesome!   
TG: uh… not exactly… I don’t think I’m a man either   
TG: I think I might be like how Callie is   
TG: non binary   
EB: oh! That’s great, Rox! Oh shoot   
EB: Do you want me to call you something different?   
TG: no… i’m good with Roxy or Rox.   
TG: you… you can call me whatever pronouns – she or they or whatever   
TG: i don’t really care right now   
CE: xzknxnnqwio!   
EB: I concur, Casey, this is a big step!   
EB: Rox, if there’s anything I can do to help out, please let me know.   
TG: yeah… :)   
TG: i can do that – thx!!!   
CE: k,ml.,mn.,mn,mn!   
TG: uh… you’re welcome? I don’t know what they’re saying

* * *

Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
_ To: _ Juney (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net), Callie (UmbralFicWriter@carapacia.net), Vriska (FLARP.Goddess.8@carapacia.net), Rezi (Justice4All@carapacia.net), Rose (R.LaLonde@carapacia.net), Kanaya (FashionVamp@carapacia.net), Jade (DogGoddess@newalternia.net), Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu), Dave (turntechGodHead@carapacia.net), Karkles (karkat0612@aol.com)   
  
**Important Announcement**   
  
I’d like to let everyone know… I’m pretty sure that I’m non-binary. You can keep calling me “Roxy” and either they/them or she/her pronouns are fine – whatever you feel more comfortable with.   
  
I’d prefer if you avoid feminine terms of reference (“girl”, “sis”, “chick”, etc.) if possible.   
  
If anyone wants to chat, please message me!   
  
Xoxoxo   
  
-Rox

* * *

Vriska (FLARP.Goddess.8@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
Bad ass! You rock that shit, LaLonde!

* * *

Callie (UmbralFicWriter@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
I’m so happy that you trusted me enough to feel safe coming out to me! If there’s anything I can do at all, please let me know – I can imagine exactly how you must be feeling!   
  
Your love,   
  
Callie

* * *

Juney (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
I am very proud of you for having the courage to do this! If you want to talk I’m always here.   
  
Or if you want to talk to Dr. June MD PhD Esq I hear that appointments to see her can be scheduled through Casey Egbert.   
  
Love,   
  
June

* * *

Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Juney (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: RE: Important Announcement**   
  
June, I’m not scheduling an appointment through a salamander.

* * *

Rose (R.LaLonde@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
It makes me so happy to hear you are discovering new things about yourself! If you ever have the desire to talk, please let me know and I would be more than happy to chat. Our home will ever be open to you, should you ever want to stop by!   
  
Most Sincerely,   
  
Rose LaLonde

* * *

Rezi (Justice4All@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
Nice! >:]

* * *

Kanaya (FashionVamp@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
I am truly glad to see that you chose to share such a personal piece of information with all of us. We are all here to love and support you however you need, and should you ever perhaps need to sit and chat or have a cup of coffee we would be more than happy to have you over at our place.   
  
Vriska has just informed me that she is of the belief that it is “bad ass” that you have come out as non-binary and I am inclined to agree!   
  
Warmest Regards,   
  
Kanaya Maryam

* * *

Dave (turntechGodHead@carapacia.net)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)  
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
Yo that’s dope AF!

* * *

MailDoman@newalternia.net   
_ To: _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:   
  
Each of the following recipients was rejected by a remote mail server.   
The reasons given by the server are included to help you determine why   
each recipient was rejected.   
  
Recipient: <DogGoddess@newalternia.net>   
Reason: <DogGoddess@newalternia.net>: Recipient address rejected: User account closed.

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
I am very pleased to hear that you are discovering new things about yourself!   
  
Please come visit sometime – we have been developing an extensive gender studies program at the Sea University here in the Sea Nation!   
  
-Prof. Jane Crocker   
Department of Culinary Arts   
Sea University

* * *

Karkles (karkat0612@aol.com)   
_ To: _ Juney (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net), Callie (UmbralFicWriter@carapacia.net), Vriska (FLARP.Goddess.8@carapacia.net), Rezi (Justice4All@carapacia.net), Rose (R.LaLonde@carapacia.net), Kanaya (FashionVamp@carapacia.net), Jade (DogGoddess@newalternia.net), Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu), Dave (turntechGodHead@carapacia.net), Rox (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Important Announcement**   
  
DAVE! HOW DO I MAKE THIS STUPID EMAIL THING WORK RIGHT?! FUCK!!!

* * *

[TG/UU]   
TG: hey sorry about this   
TG: I feel a little more comfy on text yknow?   
UU: i completely Understand!   
UU: what is on yoUr mind, love?   
TG: dunno… just trying to figure this thing out   
TG: you’ve been out so long now   
TG: any advice?   
TG: June’s so fucking sweet but her whole thing was v diff   
UU: well, maybe not that different after all.   
TG: Like… how do I DRESS? Can I still keep my hair like this?   
TG: Should I be like… wearing wizard robes or some shit?   
TG: shit… rose might have wizard robes   
UU: roxy, there's no one right or wrong way to be yoUr gender   
UU: to be non-binary, or a woman, or a man, or whatever   
UU: yoUr gender isn't yoUr presentation   
UU: look however yoU want!   
UU: wear whatever yoU want!   
UU: be comfortable with who yoU are!   
TG: oh shit Callie   
TG: i am legit crying right now   
TG: thank you so much   
UU: excUse me, i have to go afk for a minUte   
UU: there is a person crying i definitely need to hUg and kiss   
UU: if they don't mind   
TG: they dont :`)

* * *

[TG/EB/CE]   
TG: hey June?   
TG: I know its late but...   
TG: can I talk to you like   
TG: just June for a minute, not doc June?   
EB: Of course!   
EB: Casey, please give us a moment.   
CE: z;lkbnipe=sok!!   
CE disconnected from the chat.   
EB: What’s up?   
TG: uh… June…   
TG: do you still…   
TG: love me?   
EB: I do.   
EB: Why wouldn’t I love you?   
TG: because im not… i’m not ME anymore, right?   
TG: the me you fell in love with?   
TG: I’m a different me and maybe…   
TG: maybe June doesn’t love that me like she loved the old me…   
TG: you know?   
EB: hold on, I have to go afk for a minute   
EB: it sounds like someone in the house needs me right now!

* * *

[group chat]   
EB created the group Household Feelings Jam   
EB added TG, UU, CE   
UU: is it necessary to have casey here?   
EB: Of course! Casey is a critical part of the healing process!   
CE: kmnlvknlwpo9!!   
EB: It’s okay, they didn’t mean to hurt your feelings!   
EB: Callie, I think you should apologize to Casey.   
UU: …   
UU: casey, i am genUinely sorry   
UU: i shoUldn't have qUestioned yoUr presence   
UU: yoU are as mUch a part of the family as any of Us   
UU: please forgive my rUdeness!   
CE: dl;kcpowuuedpod!   
UU: thank yoU, that means a lot to me   
UU: i have a great deal of respect for yoU as well   
TG: uh… I’ve got a small request   
EB: Of course, what do you need?   
TG: so…   
TG: im getting really uncomfortable with she/her   
TG: can you please use they/them from now on?   
EB: Sure thing!   
UU: yes of coUrse!   
TG: omg thank u both so much!!!   
TG: i don’t know how to thank you!!!   
TG: youre such good partners and I love you both so much!!!   
UU: we love yoU, rox   
UU: yoU are oUr family   
UU: oUr lover   
UU: oUr friend   
UU: we will always love yoU, no matter who yoU discover yoU are   
EB: They’re right, you know!   
EB: We love you no matter what!   
EB: And we’re both so glad you’re learning more about yourself!   
CE: iupogbiyoyshj!! Ssidaioygj!   
CE: ikjhlvikjhlouge[!   
TG: Thanks, Casey – you’re right, gender is basically such bullshit anyway!

* * *

[UU/EB]   
UU: excUse me   
UU: i have a doctor jUne egbert md phd esq type issUe   
UU: of the Utmost importance   
EB: Of course! What can I do for you!   
EB: In my professional capacity, of course! =/8B   
EB: (that’s my giant brain doctor professor top hat, but at a jaunty angle!)   
UU: doctor   
UU: i foUnd a large amoUnt of casey snacks   
UU: in yoUr lab coat   
UU: …   
UU: the lab coat which went throUgh the wash cycle   
EB: Oh shit, I forgot about those!   
UU: yes…   
UU: obvioUsly   
UU: point being i need doctor jUne to come help clean Up the laUndry room   
EB: =\8(   
EB: (that’s my top hat back at a SAD angle)   
UU: oh jUst grab a rag and come help me!

* * *

Hold Me Tighter   
(A Poem By Roxy LaLonde)   
  
You heard me crying when I was silent   
You came through the still midnight dark   
Arrived at my door – Opened my heart   
  
Your arms around me circle tight   
My mind’s protest – YOU WILL NEVER BE LOVED AGAIN   
Died before it ever touched my lips – Died when I saw your face   
  
You ask for nothing   
Smiled for nothing – Held me for nothing   
Kissed me for nothing – Told me you love me however I am   
  
And ask for nothing   
  
To you a Roxy by any other name will be as sweet   
As much as the first day we fell in love   
As beautiful and wonderful and special   
  
You hold me tighter – and ask for nothing


	3. The Case of the Woman Who Fell Through the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. June helps an old friend who's suffering from a crisis of identity in more ways than one!

Associate of a patient approached with an unusual issue – they hadn’t heard from a friend in a while and were looking for advice in contacting her again.   
  
Associate is a 27 year-old Alternian woman, friend is a 27 year-old human woman (and also I think some kind of dog goddess) who I’ve known for some time.   
  
Enclosed is a collection of chat logs, diary entries, and other forms of media to document this case. All information is protected by Dr.Prof./Patient confidentiality

[GC/EB]   
GC: JUN3, 1 N33D YOUR H3LP   
GC: DOCTOR PROF3SSOR K1ND OF H3LP   
EB: Well you are in the right place, my good friend.   
EB: The Doctor Professor is IN!   
EB: We are now not friends.   
EB: Temporarily – because that would be unprofessional!   
EB: You are a client now and I am a Doctor Professor!   
EB added CE to the chat.   
CE: vbkmnlioewioh!   
EB: Thank you, Casey, notes would be much appreciated.   
EB: Now, what is your problem?   
GC: 1'M WORR13D 4BOUT J4D3.   
GC: 1 KNOW SH3 DO3S H3R OWN TH1NG…   
GC: BUT NO ON3 H4S S33N H3R 1N L1K3 4 Y34R.   
GC: NOT S1NC3 TH3 C4R4P4C14N C4P1T4L W4S F1N1SH3D.   
CE: caskjclhnbwuoib?!   
GC: OF COURS3 1 TR13D…   
GC: BUT H3R 3M41L 1S D1SCONN3CT3D 4ND SH3 WON'T 4NSW3R H3R M3SS4G3S   
GC: H3R PHON3 GO3S R1GHT TO VO1C3M41L…   
EB: Okay… I have an idea that might work.   
EB: I think I know how to get in touch with Jade… maybe.   
EB: Do you trust me?   
GC: D3SP1T3 MY B3TT3R JUDG3M3NT…   
GC: 4ND COMMON S3NS3…   
GC: 4ND MOST FORMS OF LOG1C…   
GC: …   
GC: Y34H, 1 4CTU4LLY DO TRUST YOU. >:]

* * *

From the Desk of Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq   
  
Dear Jade,   
  
I am entrusting this letter with the Peregrine Mendicant – she has graciously agreed to temporarily re-don her cap as the Parcel Mistress and do her best to find you! I have no doubt that this letter will reach you… I’m just not sure how long it’ll take.   
  
Anyway, please get in touch with me. Terezi was worried about you. She said she tried to reach out but all forms of communication were cut off.   
  
If you are experiencing emotional distress or just need someone to talk to, please remember that there is an experienced Doctor Professor in Carapacia who would be glad to help you!   
(it’s me – that me I was talking about! I’m the Doctor Professor!)   
  
Or if you just want to talk to your friend June, please let me know that you’re okay. I miss you a lot and I’m worried about you!   
  
Hugs,   
  
June Egbert

* * *

June,   
  
I’m sorry, but this is for the best. Please don’t write again.   
  
-Jade

* * *

[GC/AG]   
GC: VR1S 1 DON'T KNOW WH4T TO DO   
GC: 4BOUT J4D3   
AG: What happened?   
GC: SH3 WROT3 B4CK TO JUN3   
GC: SH3 S41D NOT TO WR1T3 4G41N…   
GC: …   
GC: TH1S 1S MY F4ULT   
AG: How? Jade isn't a 8a8y human   
AG: How could this 8e your fault?   
GC: JUN3 S41D TH4T 1 W4S WORR13D 4BOUT H3R   
GC: 1... 1 TH1NK TH4T FR34K3D H3R OUT   
GC: W3 D1DN'T T4LK MUCH 4FT3R…   
GC: 3R…   
GC: …   
AG: W8... what happened?   
GC: PL34S3 DON'T B3 M4D…   
GC: BUT 4 F3W MONTHS B3FOR3 YOU C4M3 B4CK W3…   
GC: M4YB3 H4D S3X ONC3…   
GC: …   
GC: 1 W4NT3D TO KNOW 1F 1T W4S JUST 1N MY H34D…   
GC: YKNOW... HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT S3X   
GC: …   
GC: SO J4D3 4ND 1 K1ND4... D1D TH4T   
GC: …   
GC: BUT 1T GOT R34LLY W31RD 4FT3R 4ND SH3 W4S…   
GC: SH3 D1DN'T W4NT TO T4LK 4NYMOR3   
AG: Oh shit   
AG: I'm sorry, Rezi, I didn't know ::::(   
AG: I'm not mad. That would 8e stupid   
AG: I just feel 8ad cause it sounds like…   
AG: like may8e you 8oth got hurt 8y accident…

* * *

Dear Diary,   
  
Okay so maybe I didn’t exactly tell Rezi where I was going. Or Rose. Or Kanaya. Or anyone. I just kind of packed up my stuff, said I was going on a little expedition to New Alternia. Then I found good old PM and asked her where the fuck Jade was hiding these days.   
  
I guess something in how Jade was acting kinda spooked PM, because she told me exactly where she was at. I guess she’s hiding out in some forest north of the New Alternian borders.   
  
I went there and sure enough she was pretty easy to find… I mean, maybe I had a little luck on my side. ;;;;)   
  
She didn’t want to talk to me and I figured she wouldn’t, but I told her that Rezi was really worried and felt really bad about how things had ended. And I said that Dr. June really helped me when I was trying to figure things out after being in the other place and having to deal with the narrator/writer/shit-fucker/whatever.   
  
Jade got really weird and quiet when I said all that and then she just kinda went off into the woods. GAH! She is so fucking frustrating sometimes!

* * *

[GG/AG]   
GG: Vriska…   
AG: Oh holy shit Jade!   
AG: List a8out 8efore I'm sorry I shouldn't have 8othered you…   
GG: Vriska…   
GG: Tell me about the writer… the narrator… whatever you called them…   
AG: Uh... okay????????   
GG: I’ve been hearing things, Vriska   
GG: Disjointed things, in the back of my mind   
GG: Sometimes shouting like they’re right next to me.   
GG: But it’s like… snippets from another world.   
GG: And…   
GG: Vriska…   
GG: I don’t like what they say   
GG: They make me feel… gross... disgusting   
GG: Talking about things I don’t want to do like I’ve already done them   
GG: Just… I’m having trouble sorting through what I’m hearing   
GG: Like… I already tried it once and I didn’t like it! I feel bad enough!   
GG: Why do they have to keep TALKING ABOUT IT?!   
AG: Shit   
AG: Jade, I don't know what you mean!   
AG: 8ut it sounds pretty 8ad   
AG: Do you want to talk to June?   
AG: Or Rezi?   
GG: Terezi is mad at me   
GG: After…   
AG: Oh god you're 8oth so 8ad at this!   
AG: She's not MAD at you!!!!!!!!   
AG: She felt like she HURT you when you two had sex   
AG: And she felt like it was her fault   
AG: …   
AG: She's going through a lot in that department   
AG: The uh... the sex department, that is   
AG: …   
AG: So Terezi is asexual and may8e I should lead with that next time   
GG: Can you… give me a few minutes, please?

* * *

[AG/GG]   
GG invited GC to the chat   
GC joined the chat   
GC: OH SH1T J4D3 YOU'R3 OK4Y!!!   
GC: 1 W4S WORR13D!   
GG: Does she know about the narrator thing, Vriska?   
GC: SH3 KNOWS 4LL 4BOUT 1T, Y34H   
AG: I told her and Rose and Kanaya a8out it all   
AG: oh…   
AG: also we're all together now so that's a thing   
AG: yaaaaaaaay! ::::)   
GG: I keep hearing and seeing these weird pieces of another world   
GG: Like an alternate timeline or something   
GG: But everything in it is so… BAD.   
GG: And the stuff about me… it’s disturbing   
GG: I have something to tell you two and I don’t want it leaving this chat   
GG: For real, you have to promise!   
AG: I promise!   
GC: OF COURS3!   
GG: Sex… felt like an unpleasant chore to me.   
GG: I didn’t like it at all.   
GG: And I thought I did something really wrong and hurt Terezi’s feelings…   
GG: You know… because I wasn’t good enough and didn’t enjoy it   
GG: That’s why I freaked out after Terezi and I did that.   
GG: Not because I didn’t like her, but because I felt… bad   
GG: But some of the stuff I keep hearing   
GG: I keep seeing myself with all these different people doing different things   
GG: I just want that stuff out of my head!   
GG: And no matter where I go I keep hearing it echoing around   
GG: I feel like I’m going crazy all the time and no one can help me!   
GG left the chat   
AG: oh shit

* * *

[AG/EB]   
AG: Okay, Retcon8ert   
AG: We need to talk for real   
EB: Vriskaaaaaaaaa!   
EB: You know I can’t do that anymore, right?   
AG: You know that was nine a's, right?   
EB: what? Seriously? Shit!   
EB: Okay, Dr. June is gonna handle this one…   
AG: oh jegus   
EB: Ahem, what can I do for you today, Ma’am?   
EB: Did I mention I am fully licensed in the state of…   
EB: Oh crap… we never made states.   
EB: I’m fully licensed in the Sovereign Nation of Carapacia!   
AG: Jade is losing her shit, June   
AG: She keeps hearing stuff from altern8 timelines   
AG: Which I know is a gr8 way to go completely fucking insane   
EB: Oh no   
AG: Also, I think she might 8e feeling like Terezi   
AG: Uh... sex-wise?   
AG: Asexual!   
AG: 8ut like... more?   
AG: She's getting really freaked out 8y some stuff in the other timeline   
AG: She's not really specific 8ut I think she's seeing a version of her that's…   
AG: Uh…   
AG: Horny on main? Like allllllll the time.   
AG: That was a human term that Rose used once, I think it fits   
EB: How did you deal with the time looping in the black hole?   
EB: Or the time loop when you went back?   
AG: I don't know   
AG: The 8lack hole was... different   
AG: I was aware that the time had passed 8ut it felt... off   
AG: Like I was living in cycles and aware of everything 8ut   
AG: also not?   
AG: …   
AG: Hard to explain   
AG: …   
AG: And the time loop 8ack here was just one day repe8d like four times   
AG: It's different for Jade   
AG: She's getting this stuff 8leeding into reality now   
EB: What do you need me to do, Vriska?   
AG: fucking HELP HER!   
AG: She's our friend and she's losing her mind!

* * *

Transcript of phone call between Terezi Pyrope and Jade Harley  
  
Terezi: Hello? What’s up?   
Jade: Rezi? Oh my god… thank god…   
Terezi: What’s wrong?   
Jade: It… it just keeps getting worse. I keep seeing these things. I don’t WANT to see this stuff anymore!   
Terezi: Hey… Vriska had the same problem for a while   
Terezi: I think it helped for her to talk to the rest of us and June. You know… supportive partners…   
Jade: That’s… that’s part of the problem…   
Terezi: What do you mean?   
Jade: I… please promise you won’t laugh at me…   
Terezi: …   
Terezi: I promise   
Jade: You’re all in such beautiful relationships…   
Jade: And I… feel like I should be in one too…   
Jade: But I don’t want to be.   
Jade: It actually kind of makes my stomach hurt to think about   
Jade: That’s why I hate these things I keep seeing   
Jade: I’m kissing people and having sex with people and flirting and being all lovey and…   
Jade: I just want to be able to spend quiet time alone or maybe with some friends   
Jade: But… not like the kind of time I keep seeing in those visions   
Terezi: Oh shit… Jade, are you crying? Are you… oh shit   
Jade: mmmm… yeah, sorry   
Terezi: No, no. It’s fine. So… uh… I think I kind of know how you feel a little bit.   
Terezi: After we… were together a few years back, I started really thinking about it.   
Terezi: I mean, maybe not exactly the same, but I know it’s frustrating.   
Terezi: Everyone expects you to be a certain way all the time. It’s exhausting.   
Jade: I know! I just… I just want to be left alone so I can go back to living!   
Terezi: Fuck. I know how you feel. Hey, can I suggest something?   
Jade: Sure.   
Terezi: Talk to June when she’s doing her doctor thing. It’s actually super helpful.   
Jade: Oh… okay! Thanks!

* * *

[CE/TT]   
CE: askjlfijwpihj! Askldjhlkqhwuhcbcmn!   
CE: sald;kjaslkhpwmc!   
CE: askljdhalkcn?   
TT: Okay… yeah, I can do some research for June if she needs me to.   
TT: No offense, but why isn’t she telling me this?   
CE: askljdavbpobpvjkl;wm!   
TT: Okay, that does make sense. I don’t want to interrupt her work with a patient.   
TT: What does she need me to research?   
CE: kjlclkncvvmnasmn! Amsx,.smkljmd?   
TT: Are you fucking kidding me?   
CE: asdkjlajscnb!   
TT: No no no, I will be contacting her immediately.

* * *

[TT/EB]   
TT: Do you perhaps want to turn in your fake medical license?   
TT: Or are you planning to ask Casey to ask me to do some more Sexuality 101 research?   
TT: Seriously, June, use some common sense!   
TT: …   
TT: No, that’s no entirely fair… you didn’t come out until after Earth was destroyed   
TT: You probably missed a lot, given how we used to socialize “boys”   
EB: So… I take it you talked to Casey?   
TT: No shit, June.   
EB: I’m sorry… it’s just… I keep finding out about stuff I don’t know about.   
EB: I’m trying to be a good Doctor Professor and not let my patients down.   
TT: Ugh… okay, fine!   
TT: I don’t know because I’m not her, but if I had to guess…   
TT: I’d say Jade is asexual, like Terezi, but also sex-repulsed.   
TT: She actively dislikes sex.   
TT: It sounds like she might be aromantic too.   
EB: I mean, she does smell pretty nice most of the time, kind of like gardening   
TT: Oh jesus fuck   
TT: Not aroMATic, aroMANTic   
TT: She doesn’t get romantic feelings for people   
TT: From what I’ve heard she seems kinda weirded out by the idea of being in a relationship in general   
EB: Yeah, and Vriska said she keeps seeing visions of other timelines   
EB: Ones where she’s in all kinds of relationships   
EB: It must really be bothering her   
TT: I feel like you should talk this over with her and Vriska. Maybe Terezi too.   
TT: They’re the ones with the most comparable experiences.

* * *

[group chat]   
EB created the group Asexual Support System   
EB added GG, AG, GC, CE   
AG: "ASS"?   
AG: This is gonna 8e Rose8utt all over again...   
EB: Oh shit!   
EB changed the name of the group to Asexual and Timeline Support Group   
EB: This group is to facilitate discussion of your shared experiences.   
EB: Under extremely professional Doctor-Professor guidance.   
EB: Casey is here primarily to observe – don’t mind them.   
CE: opiboieojcpj!   
EB: They are most correct – you will not even know they are there.   
GC: J4D3... 1 N3V3R M34NT TO HURT YOU   
GC: …   
GC: 1 W4S ST1LL F1GUR1NG STUFF OUT…   
GC: BUT 1 D1DN'T R34L1Z3 HOW TH1NGS 4FF3CT3D YOU   
GC: 4ND 1 SHOULDN'T R34CH3D OUT 4ND M4D3 SUR3 YOU W3R3 OK4Y   
GG: It’s… it’s okay. You didn’t know and I didn’t tell you.   
GG: It’s just with everything all at once – trying to figure myself out...   
GG: And then seeing all these other lives and hating what I’m seeing   
GG: I feel… like maybe I’m broken   
GG: Maybe the problem is that I just can’t get my head around the idea of it being like that   
GG: Me actually LIKING that kind of stuff   
GC: YOU'R3 NOT BROK3N   
GC: YOU 4R3 WHO YOU 4R3 1N TH1S T1M3L1N3!   
GC: YOU'R3 SP3C14L 4ND GR34T   
GC: …   
GC: 1…   
GC: 1 DON'T W4NT TO S4Y B3C4US3 1'M 3MB4R4SS3D TH4T TH3Y'LL L4UGH   
AG: June and Casey if you laugh at her I will murder you 8oth.   
GC: 1 F3LT S4F3 W1TH YOU   
GC: TH4T'S WHY 1 W4NT3D TO... YOU KNOW   
GC: TH4T'S WHY 1 F3LT COMFORT4BL3 DO1NG TH4T   
GC: B3C4US3 1 W4SN'T SUR3, 4ND YOU W3R3N'T GONN4 HURT M3   
GC: …   
GC: BUT 1 D1DN'T R34L1Z3 WH4T WOULD H4PP3N   
GC: OTH3RW1S3 1 WOULDN'T H4V3 DON3 TH4T   
GG: I understand, actually   
GG: And… that’s actually super flattering to hear. ^_^   
GG: I just kind of freaked out because I thought something was wrong with me.   
EB: Jade, you’re fine how you are. Even if other versions of you might be different   
AG: Yeah, so a8out that…   
AG: I don't even think that's true   
AG: I don't remem8er a whole lot a8out the other place   
AG: 8ut when I was there... the narrator... writer…   
AG: They were trying to change things around   
AG: They kept talking a8out other versions of the universe   
AG: Like they were part of a story   
AG: 8ut I think it was all hoof8east shit   
AG: I think they were just making crap up   
GG: But what does that mean for me? This stuff I’m seeing and hearing…   
GG: I don’t like it! It makes me feel scared and I want it to stop!   
AG: I don't know the answer to that   
AG: 8ut I do know that locking yourself away won't help   
AG: Trust me... the more you try to pull away the worse it'll get   
GG: I don’t LIKE being out here   
GG: I feel lonely all the time   
GG: I just don’t want to feel broken and hurt and crazy   
GC: YOU W3R3 N3V3R BROK3N, J4D3   
GC: YOU JUST H4DN'T D1SCOV3R3D SOM3 M1SS1NG P13C3S Y3T   
GC: …   
GC: OH WOW TH4T SOUND3D CH33SY >:]   
GG: …   
GG: lol   
GG: Thank you, Terezi   
GG: You really are sweet   
GG: I think if maybe I felt that way about people   
GG: You and I could probably be pretty good girlfriends -_^   
EB: Jade, you know you can come back and stay with us   
EB: Callie and Roxy and I have lots of room   
EB: We could even make you your own place, easy.   
EB: I know you’re going through a lot – and I know the answers aren’t easy   
EB: Honestly, it might be a long time before you feel completely okay   
EB: It may be a struggle at times   
EB: But it’s not something you have to face alone

* * *

Vriska (FLARP.Goddess.8@carapacia.net)   
_ To: _ Jade (DogGoddess@carapacia.net)   
  
**Movie?**   
  
Hey, you want to go see a movie tomorrow? Now that you’re living here, I gotta introduce you to the awesomely terrible thing that is Carapacians re-making Earth human movies without understanding the original plot, context, or characters!   
  
-Vriska   
  
P.S. This is NOT a d8 so please don’t feel weird about it! Maybe a “friend d8” is a better word for it!

* * *

Jade (DogGoddess@carapacia.net)   
_ To: _ Vriska (FLARP.Goddess.8@carapacia.net)   
  
**RE: Movie?**   
  
Yes, that sounds like it would be a lot of fun! Don’t worry, I don’t feel weird about it at all! You’re a good friend and I’m happy to go out with you on a “friend d8” :P   
  
-Jade   
  
P.S. I think it’s sweet you asked me in an email. That feels old-fashioned and also really cute. You’re just as sweet as Terezi even if you still act kinda tough – I can see why she loves you so much!

* * *

**Jade Harley** updated her status (10:27 pm)   
Feeling: thankful   
  
Thanks to  **June Egbert** , **Vriska (Mindfang)** , and  **Rezi Pyrope** for convincing me to come back to Carapacia.   
  
I’m still going through a lot. Still trying to filter out the stuff I keep hearing and seeing. But having people around to help me get through that means so much to me.   
  
Things are slowly getting better. I’m seeing Dr. June once a week and I’ve been talking to everyone about their own experiences. Helps to put things in perspective.   
  
I just want everyone to know that I love all of you so much – you’re all the best friends and I’m so thankful that you reached out to me when you did!   
  
♥ Callie, Karkalicious, Rox, and 7 others


	4. The Case of the Despondent Cook

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dr. June helps a friend who's struggling with depression.

Patient is a 27-year-old human woman named Jane Crocker, currently a professor culinary arts at the Sea University. She emailed me explaining that she was feeling lonely and lacking energy and wanted some advice.

Enclosed is a collection of chat logs, diary entries, and other forms of media to document this case. All information is protected by Dr.Prof./Patient confidentiality. 

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ June (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
September 4th - 2:34 am   
  
**Want to talk (draft - unsent)**   
  
Hey, June, do you have some time to maybe talk? I’ve got something I wanted to tell you about.   
  
-Prof. Jane Crocker   
Department of Culinary Arts   
Sea University

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ June (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
September 5th - 3:21 am   
  
**What’s up? (draft - unsent)**   
  
What’s up, June? How’re you doing? You want to hang out sometime?   
  
-Jane Crocker

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ June (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
September 6th - 1:16 am   
  
**How’s it hanging? (draft - unsent)**   
  
Yo, June, how you doing? You want to drop into the chat sometime and hang?   
  
-Jane

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ June (JuneEgbert@carapacia.net)   
September 7th - 3:45 am   
  
**Please help**   
  
June, I really could use your help right now. Please.

* * *

[endocrineBiohacker (EB) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
EB: Jane? Are you there?   
EB: Dr. June is   
EB: You know, never mind that whole thing   
EB: If you need to talk I’m here   
GG: …   
GG: June   
GG: Do you ever just   
GG: Not wanna get outta bed in the morning   
GG: Just so plum tired you don’t wanna   
GG: Never mind   
GG: I’m gabbing it up and I’m sure you’re busy   
EB: Jane wait   
GG disconnected

* * *

[endocrineBiohacker (EB) / tentacleTherapist (TT)]   
EB: Rose, I need some help   
TT: Is this a Dr. June kind of thing today?   
TT: Because I’m not sure I’m in a Dr. June kind of mood.   
TT: Jaspers III is sick and barfing all over the place.   
TT: Terezi’s trying to get him out from under the couch now.   
TT: I’m pretty sure he threw up under there too.   
EB: No, I’m sorry   
EB: More of a June-needs-help kind of thing   
EB: If you have a minute   
TT: Sure   
TT: Terezi’s got the couch thing handled   
TT: And Kanaya’s calling the vet now   
TT: I’ve got maybe five minutes if you can be quick   
EB: Have you talked to Jane lately?   
TT: No, not recently. She’s closer with Roxy anyway, why don’t you ask them?   
EB: They’re out shopping right now.   
TT: Text them!   
EB: Oh yeah… duh   
EB: I hope Jaspers feels better, btw   
TT: Thanks, he’s just a very unhappy, very barfy kitty right now.

* * *

[endocrineBiohacker (EB) / teetotalingGnostalgiac (TG)]   
EB: Rox, you got a minute?   
TG: sup Juney-bee Callie and me were just eating lunch   
TG: you comin to get some?   
EB: When’s the last time you talked with Jane?   
TG: Maybe two or three days ago, why?   
EB: Did she seem   
EB: I dunno   
EB: Really sad to you?   
TG: maybe not sad   
TG: more like distant u kno?   
TG: Not really saying much   
EB: Okay, thanks.   
EB: Let me know if you hear from her, okay?   
EB: Save me some food, I’ll be right there   
TG: you got it! ☺

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ Roxy (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
September 12th - 5:12 am   
  
**Something important (draft - unsent)**   
  
Rox, you ever wonder if you made the right choices? If maybe you had seen things more clearly from the beginning then things would’ve gone better?   
  
I feel like that. All the time. I can’t seem to quite crawl out from under it.   
  
I just want to keep sleeping in the morning. Just forget everything and go back to bed.

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ Roxy (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
September 15th - 4:56 am   
  
**Important stuff (draft - unsent)**   
  
I think that I blame myself for what happened. Even though it wasn’t  _ technically _ my fault, I still think I could’ve avoided it. I could’ve stopped so much. Even with the retcon – even though June went back and fixed things, I still feel terrible. Because I had the capacity to do so much harm to everyone.   
  
Why couldn’t I resist it? Why couldn’t I be stronger?   
  
I feel like I spent so much time being a dumb kid and pretending that when it came time to grow up I just wasn’t ready.   
  
Now I sit here and teach trolls how to cook and I love that… but it feels so hollow and empty.   
  
Every day I’m just counting until I can get back home and lie down. Just turn on the TV and fall asleep and stay asleep for as long as I want.   
  
I’m so tired, Rox

* * *

Jane (jcrocker@SeaU.edu)   
_ To:  _ Roxy (FoxyRoxy@carapacia.net)   
September 17th - 4:21 am   
  
**I hate this**   
  
I keep writing these and never sending them   
  
I’m afraid that if you see all this then you won’t like me anymore   
  
Because I’m needy and whiny and pathetic   
  
I’m not strong   
  
I’m always tired   
  
I hate this and I hate myself for feeling this way   
  
It

* * *

Search History - Google^2 Platinum Browser **  
** Today - September 17th   
  
□ 4:25 am – Contact Support - www.carapacia.net   
□ 4:24 am – carapacia.net support phone number - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 4:23 am – delete email from server carapacia.net - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 4:22 am – One Weird Trick to Deleting Emails! - www.NotAScam.com   
□ 4:22 am – accidentally sent email unsend - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 2:21 am – am I a bad person - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 2:17 am – am I okay - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 2:15 am – am I depressed - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 2:13 am – insomnia - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:48 am – Pony Murder Cult - DaveStriderOwns - Detective Pony - www.archiveofourown.org   
□ 1:46 am – detective pony murder mysteries - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:35 am – FUNNY KATS - www.FunnyCatsByKarkat.com   
□ 1:34 am – funny cats - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:22 am – always sleeping symptoms - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:19 am – always tired - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:16 am – insomnia cure - google^2 search - www.google2.com   
□ 1:14 am – insomnia - google^2 search - www.google2.com

* * *

Support: Hello and thank you for choosing Carapacia.net, literally your only option in Internet service for the entire Carapacian Kingdom and most of Earth-C!   
Support: May I have your name?   
Jane: Jane Crocker   
Support: Thank you, Jane – and how can I provide barely adequate service today?   
Jane: I… uh… sent an email by mistake and need to delete it.   
Support: I’m sorry, but that’s outside our capabilities.   
Support: Have an acceptable day!

* * *

Roxy: Hello? Jane? Are you there?   
Jane: …   
Jane: I’m here   
Roxy: Oh thank god. What the shit? Are you okay? Do you need me to come there?!   
Jane: I’m fine   
Roxy: Janey… we can talk now if you want?   
Jane: Are you mad at me?   
Roxy: What?   
Jane: I don’t message you much. I don’t call ever. I didn’t mean to send that email.   
Roxy: Okay, listen, I’m gonna come over and we’re gonna have a sleepover.   
Roxy: I’m gonna grab my things and fly over now. I’ll put June on so she can talk to you.   
Roxy: Byeeee!   
Jane: …   
June: So… I’m not saying this to try to one-up you or anything…   
June: But… I might kinda know how you feel.   
June: When we first came here, to Earth-C… before I came out.   
June: I felt like I just… didn’t know what to do.   
June: Living forever. Feeling like I was trapped inside my own head.   
June: Feeling like I was living a whole bunch of lies all at once.   
June: And I felt better when I came out, and when Roxy and I started seeing Callie.   
June: And then… I just kinda didn’t.   
June: I don’t know how to explain it, but…   
Jane: You just didn’t want to get out of bed anymore.   
June: Yeah.   
Jane: How’d you stop feeling like that?   
June: Sometimes, I didn’t. At one point Rox and Callie were taking turns making me get up and eat every day.   
June: It’s something I keep my eye out for now. Just in case I’m feeling like that.   
June: How about this…   
June: Message me when Roxy gets there and we can all talk, okay?   
Jane: Yeah… okay.   
Jane: June?   
June: Yeah?   
Jane: Thanks. You’re a good gal.

* * *

[endocrineBiohacker (EB) / teetotalingGnostalgiac (TG) / gutsyGumshoe (GG) / caseyEgbert (CE)]   
TG: wait seriously are we doin the Casey thing?   
EB: Just as an observer.   
CE: skjdkjlfeipowuiu!   
TG: okay sorry just   
TG: this feels personal   
EB: I assure you Casey is exceptionally discrete.   
CE: sajfkdjklxbnmswqo!   
TG: oh okay   
EB: Ms. Crocker, allow me to welcome you to the virtual office of Dr. June Egbert MD PhD Esq   
GG: I thought esq was for lawyers.   
CE: dkjsalkcjnbvm,pow!   
TG: yah i dont think she passed the bar either   
EB: Betrayal! You wound me!   
TG: lol stop it   
CE: askdjlhvjbnmsn!   
TG: she IS dramatic sometimes, rite?!   
GG: :B   
EB: ANYWAY! Ms. Crocker, do you have any questions?   
GG: Yeah… when do I get better?   
GG: I mean, when does this all stop and I feel normal again?   
EB: Jane…   
EB: I don’t think it’s like that. This isn’t something that just stops one day.   
EB: It might go away, it might come back, it might be there all the time.   
EB: It depends on a lot of things and it’ll take time to figure that out.   
EB: And it’ll take time to figure out what works for you.   
GG: I like having Rox here to keep me company. They’re super great.   
GG: Sometimes it’s nice just having someone else around to talk to.   
GG: But… I live so far away now.   
GG: And I love my job at the University.   
GG: And I love my students.   
GG: I just wish I could come visit you folks when I need a bit of a boost.   
GG: :(   
EB: Uh Jane   
TG: Janey…   
CE: samncmnms!   
EB: You do remember you can fly, right?   
GG: …   
GG: …    
GG: OH FIDDLING FUDGESTICKS!   
TG: lol she forgot   
GG: I didn’t forget!   
GG: I just didn’t… think about it   
TG: she forgot she could fly   
GG: Dang it!

* * *

Journal 1:   
  
June suggested I keep this journal to track how I’m feeling. Roxy texted me to tell me to remember to write in the gosh-darned thing and I hadn’t even started yet!   
  
I’m glad that they came out to visit. And I’m glad June is being so supportive. She’s really nice and I’m glad she didn’t give up.   
  
I’m actually looking forward to spending some time with Roxy!

* * *

Journal 4:   
  
Kinda a bad day today. Didn’t want to get up. Roxy brought me something to eat and I had some coffee and felt better. Got up and didn’t have class to teach so we went out shopping and got some stuff for a recipe I wanted to work on.   
  
Roxy’s going back home in a couple days and I’m kinda worried about that. But they said I can text whenever and come visit with them and June and Callie.   
  
Also Terezi, Vriska, Rose, and Kanaya are all living together so that’s neat!

* * *

Journal 9:   
  
Roxy had to head back a couple days ago and I miss her already. The house feels so empty with no one else here. I still just kinda feel like I want to just… not go anywhere.   
  
I told June I just felt like I was lazy and she told me that’s how a lot of people with depression feel. That it’s not true that how we feel makes us lazy or bad people.   
  
I still miss Roxy and my other friends. The sea trolls are nice and we get a lot of students at Sea University, but it’s not the same as the people I got to know so well.

* * *

[grimAuxilliatrix (GA) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GA: Hello Jane   
GA: I Am Messaging You To Ask If You Would Like To Participate   
GA: In A Social Event We Host Every Friday   
GA: Wherein We Play A Combination Of FLARP And Dungeons And Dragons   
GA: Or Rather Terezi Rose And Vriska All Get Competitive About It   
GA: And End Up Wasting All Of My Healing Spells On Their Various Wounds   
GA: Or As We Call It   
GA: Friday Night FLARP Fight   
GA: Please Feel Free To Join Us   
GG: Sure, that sounds swell, Kanaya!   
GG: I’ve already got some ideas for a character!

* * *

Journal 16:   
  
I went to visit the LaLonde-Maryam-Pyrope-Serket household over the weekend for their Friday night gaming session and I had so much fun. I think it’s the first time I’ve actually felt excited to do something in a long time.   
  
I love their house – they’re all so  _ fun _ together. They’re all really different, but together they all kind of… work. I can tell they care a lot about each other and they’ve worked really hard so that none of them feel left out or neglected.   
  
I don’t want to leave, but I don’t want to impose either.

* * *

Journal 23:   
  
I don’t understand why I feel this way   
  
I barely got out of bed today   
  
I feel like   
  
I don’t know   
  
Like I wouldn’t mind if I just went to sleep and never woke up

* * *

[gutsyGumshoe (GG) / endocrineBiohacker (EB)]   
GG: June, do you have a minute?   
EB: What’s up, Jane?   
GG: I… think I wanted to kill myself yesterday   
GG: Maybe?   
GG: Or… didn’t care if I died?   
GG: Wanted to die? Passively?   
GG: I don’t know if that makes any sense.   
EB: Did you try to hurt yourself?   
GG: No, nothing like that. I just… didn’t care if I didn’t wake up.   
EB: That’s not your fault – some days are going to be harder than others.   
EB: It’s not always a straight line, Jane.   
EB: Sometimes you won’t feel better, and that’s not your fault.   
GG: Okay… but what do I DO about it?   
EB: How about one of us checks in on you every day, whenever you want it to be.   
EB: If we don’t hear back, we can fly over and check in person.   
EB: Would that be okay with you?   
GG: You betcha – that’d be swell!   
GG: :B

* * *

Journal 38:   
  
Mostly okay and good days the last couple weeks. Talked to Roxy a bit. Talked to Callie about RPing and that was fun. Talked to June a few times, asked for Dr. June-type help once. I know it started as a sort-of joke but I think she’s actually getting pretty good at the whole therapy thing.   
  
Been thinking about writing a novel. Had this idea for a detective story based on a bunch of the people I know… but in an alternate version of our world! I was thinking about making myself the main character too, if that’s not too cheesy.   
  
Doubt I’d show it to anyone – just for fun.

* * *

Journal 43:   
  
Another not-great day. Got a call from Terezi and talked for a little bit. She’s sweet.   
  
Think I’ll start writing tomorrow.

* * *

Journal 59:   
  
Writing’s going well. Making a lot of progress on my story. It’s so much fun to write. Might die of embarrassment if my friends saw it but I’m having fun so that’s just peaches! The main character is a tough lady private eye who ends up over her head after taking a case in New York City. She meets this lady detective that she ends up kind of sweet on and they have to uncover this big conspiracy.   
  
Feel like I’m actually moving forward!

* * *

Journal 65:   
  
Oh god   
  
I can barely write today   
  
I don’t even wanna do this   
  
Phone keeps ringing and I just don’t wanna move

* * *

Terezi: Hey, you awake?   
Jane: Yeah… hi Terezi   
Jane: Sorry it took me a while to answer.   
Jane: I was just lying down.   
Terezi: ‘s fine. Just wanted to know if you’re coming to game with us on Friday?   
Jane: Oh shoot, was that this Friday?   
Jane: …   
Jane: Oh… okay. Sure. I’ll be there!   
Terezi: Cool! Later!

* * *

Journal 65, part 2:   
  
June was right. This is something I can only take one day at a time. There’s no shortcut. There’s no magic formula.   
  
I have friends that will help me if I need them. I’ll try to remember that. Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s real hard. Sometimes all I can do is stay in bed and maybe get out to wash up and eat.   
  
But that’s something. That’s progress. Every day I keep putting one foot in front of the other is moving forward!   
  
So by golly I’m gonna keep on trying! One day at a time!   
  
…   
  
…   
  
…    
  
Also think I might kinda have a teeny tiny crush on Terezi.   
  
One day at a time!


	5. The Case of the Unrequited Interest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Romantic feelings are great... except when they're not mutual! A self-insert story written by a young woman with a crush spirals into a conversation about friendship, relationships, and boundaries.

Patient is a 27-year-old Alternian woman named Terezi Pyrope. She approached me, requesting privacy, with a delicate matter involving a friend.

Enclosed is a collection of chat logs, diary entries, and other forms of media to document this case. All information is protected by Dr.Prof./Patient confidentiality.

* * *

Journal 129:   
  
Good day overall! Terezi stayed over for the night and we got to watch a bunch of movies together. Well, she listened to the movies and said she could smell the colors coming off the TV which I’m not sure I believe but she seems to have that kind of ability so… maybe?   
  
Got really far on my novel too! It turned out really well - really happy with how the twists worked. I think I need to change some of the stuff around and finish it, especially if I want to show it to anyone. Specifically the names need to be changed.   
  
It’s not like it’s really based in reality anyway. It’s like an alternate universe kind of thing!

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GC: H3Y J4N3   
GC: SO…   
GC: 1 K1ND4 TH1NK W3 N33D TO T4LK R34L QU1CK   
GC: 1'M NOT M4D BUT…   
GC: S3R1OUSLY

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GC: J4N3?   
GC: YOU TH3R3?

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GC: J4N3 S3R1OUSLY WH4T TH3 SH1T?   
GG: I am so sorry Terezi, I had a bunch of finals videos to review and I couldn’t respond!   
GG: So what did you want to talk about?   
GG: I’ve got some free time.   
GC: YOU KNOW WH4T   
GC: N3V3R M1ND R1GHT NOW   
GC: >:]   
GC: 1T'S F1N3 - 1'LL TTYL

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / endocrineBiohacker (EB)]   
GC: OH SH1T JUN3 1 N33D 4DV1C3   
GC: L1K3 DR. JUN3 MD PHD WH4T3V3R 4DV1C3   
EB: Dr. June is in!   
EB: Casey is currently napping but I can wake them if needed   
GC: 1'D 4CTU4LLY R4TH3R TH1S ST4Y B3TW33N US   
GC: 4T L34ST FOR NOW   
EB: Okay, that’s pretty mysterious   
EB: What’s wrong?   
EB: Is every okay with you, Vriska, Rose, and Kanaya?   
GC: Y34H NO TH4T'S F1N3   
GC: 1T'S NOT 4BOUT TH3M   
GC: 1T'S 4BOUT J4N3   
EB: Oh? Is she okay? Is her depression getting bad again?   
GC: NO TH4T'S NOT 1T   
GC: SO 1 SP3NT TH3 N1GHT 4T H3R HOUS3   
GC: JUST 4S 4 FR13ND SL33POV3R TH1NG   
GC: 4ND W3 W4TCH3D MOV13S 4ND STUFF   
GC: 1T W4S FUN   
EB: Okay, that sounds nice   
EB: Do you need my advice on fun party planning stuff?   
EB: Because that seems less like a Dr. June and more of June-June kind of thing!   
GC: UGGGGHGFHGDFH121OH31JHKJDHS4JDCBN   
GC: WHY 1S TH1S SO H4RD?!   
EB: It’s okay. I promise this won’t leave the safety of this chat.   
GC: 1 S4W TH1S B1G TH1CK WR1T1NG TH1NG SH3 W4S WORK1NG ON   
GC: 4ND 1 GOT CUR1OUS C4US3 TH3 D3SCR1PT1ON ON TH3 F1RST P4G3   
GC: 1T SOUND3D L1K3 4 D3T3CT1V3 NOV3L!   
GC: 4ND YOU KNOW HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT TH4T!   
EB: Of course   
GC: 1 3ND3D UP ST4Y1NG UP 4LL N1GHT 4ND R34D1NG 1T   
GC: WH1L3 J4N3 W4S 4SL33P   
GC: 1 K1ND4 D1DN'T 4SK F1RST >:[   
EB: Do you want to know how to tell Jane you read her novel without asking?   
GC: UH... K1ND4   
GC: MOR3... 1 UH…   
GC: WOW 1S 1T HOT 1N H3R3?   
EB: You’re stalling – what’s wrong?   
GC: 1 TH1NK J4N3 M1GHT H4V3 4 CRUSH ON M3   
GC: L1K3 MOR3 TH4N 4 SM4LL ON3   
GC: SH3 WROT3 M3 1NTO H3R STORY 4S H3R CH4R4CT3R'S LOV3 1NT3R3ST   
GC: 4ND TH3Y G3T PR3TTY HOT 4ND H34VY TOW4RD TH3 3ND   
GC: CH4PT3R 12 1S B4S1C4LLY JUST TH3M H4V1NG S3X!   
EB: Well, sometimes our characters in fiction are inspired by those around us   
EB: Usually it’s, at least to some degree, unconscious   
EB: So similarities between characters and people don’t necessarily mean anything   
EB: Jane probably just found your characteristics a good template for a certain character   
GC: TH3 CH4R4CT3RS 4R3 L1T3R4LLY N4M3D "J4N3 CROCK3R" 4ND "T3R3Z1 PYROP3"   
GC: TH3Y 4R3 D3SCR1B3D 1N D3T41L   
GC: TH3Y 4R3 L1T3R4LLY US, JUN3, WTF?!   
EB: Oh…   
EB: Wow…   
EB: I’m not actually sure what to say   
EB: Has she been acting differently toward you?   
GC: NO, SH3'S 4C1TNG L1K3 SH3 4LW4YS DO3S   
GC: 1T JUST M4K3S M3 F33L UNCOMFORT4BL3   
GC: L1K3 SOM3ON3 M4D3 M3 DO SOM3TH1NG 1 D1DN'T W4NT TO   
GC: 3V3N THOUGH 1T'S NOT R34LLY M3   
GC: 1 F33L STUP1D S4Y1NG TH1S NOW   
EB: You don’t need to feel stupid, it’s valid to feel that way   
GC: 1 JUST W1SH 1 H4DN'T S33N 1T   
GC: L1K3 NOW TH1NGS 4R3 GONN4 F33L W31RD   
GC: 4ND 1 JUST W4NN4 GO B4CK TO HOW 1T W4S >:[   
EB: I guess I see it as you have two choices   
EB: Either tell Jane about what you saw and how it makes you feel…   
EB: Or keep it to yourself and act like you never saw it   
EB: I can’t tell you which will be better or easier for you   
EB: But I do think it’s important for you to feel comfortable around your friends   
EB: So if it’s making you feel really weird… I don’t know…   
EB: Maybe worth bringing it up?   
EB: It’s not gonna necessarily be an easy conversation   
EB: But maybe one you have to have   
EB: I’m sorry, Rezi – I wish I could give you a simple answer   
GC: 1T'S NOT YOUR F4ULT   
GC: TH4NKS, JUN3   
GC: 1'LL TH1NK 4BOUT TH1S

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GC: OK4Y S3R1OUSLY W3 N33D TO T4LK NOW   
GC: PL34S3 1 DON'T KNOW 1F 1 C4N DO TH1S L4T3R   
GG: Sure thing, I can talk right now!   
GC: …   
GC: SO   
GC: 1 FOUND TH3 STORY YOU WROT3   
GC: …   
GC: 4ND 1 R34D 1T   
GC: …   
GC: 4LL OF 1T   
GG: Oh shit   
GG disconnected   
GC: FUCK!!!

* * *

Journal 131:   
  
Shit. shit shit shit shit shit shit shit.   
  
Shit shit shit.   
  
Terezi found the story. Shit shit shit.   
  
Why did I write that darned thing? What was I thinking? Was I out of my gosh danged mind?!   
  
Shit!   
  
She’s gonna hate me something fierce now – she’s not gonna want to be my friend and she’s never gonna speak to me again.   
  
I’m so god damn stupid!

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / gutsyGumshoe (GG)]   
GC: J4N3 1'M NOT M4D   
GC: 1 W4NT TO T4LK TO YOU   
GC: PL34S3   
GC: 1 SW34R TO J3GUS 1 4M NOT M4D   
GC: PL34S3 C4LL M3 WH3N YOU S33 TH1S

* * *

Terezi: Hello? Who is this? What time is it?   
Jane: Uh… sorry… it’s me…   
Terezi: Jane? Holy shit?   
Jane: I know we need to talk… I was scared to call…   
Terezi: Okay… uh… hold on one second…   
Terezi: All right, sorry. Stepped outside to talk.   
Terezi: Listen, about your story…   
Jane: Oh my god I’m so sorry about that.   
Jane: I shouldn’t have done that and I know how you must feel.   
Terezi: Ugh…   
Terezi: I’m not sure you do.   
Terezi: I’m not sure  _ I _ do.   
Jane: I was just… I’m so sorry… I just…   
Terezi: Jane… please stop talking for one second…   
Terezi: Why did you write that?   
Jane: Well…   
Jane: I’m not sure. I had this idea, and then I thought it’d be fun if I made myself a character. And my friends…   
Jane: And then I put you in there and your character and mine and… Uh… how much did you read again?   
Terezi: All of it.   
Jane: So you saw…   
Terezi: Yes, Jane.   
Jane: Oh god…   
Terezi: Jane, how do you feel about me exactly?   
Jane: Well you’re a really good friend and I like you a lot.   
Terezi: That’s not what I meant and you know it!   
Jane: …   
Jane: Are you gonna be mad?   
Terezi: I’m getting kinda mad that you won’t just talk to me instead of being vague!   
Jane: I’ve got a heck of a crush on you. I think you’re just… swell… I didn’t want to say anything because you’re already with Vriska and Rose and Kanaya.   
Terezi: Okay.   
Jane: Okay?   
Terezi: It doesn’t bother me that you have a crush on me.   
Terezi: The thing that bothers me is the sex stuff you wrote about me and you. Like… I get that it wasn’t ever supposed to be seen by anyone. But also it feels like you did something you should know I wouldn’t be comfortable with and it feels like you weren’t thinking about me or our friendship.   
Jane: I know… I wasn’t even thinking about that. I wasn’t expecting you to ever see it – or for anyone to ever see it – I just… I guess I figured it would help me figure my feelings out and I got kinda carried away.   
Terezi: Fuck.   
Jane: What?   
Terezi: I just… ugh… I feel like I should be madder about this than I am. Like, I’m mostly just annoyed more than anything. I wish you’d said something, I guess. But I guess it’s also not my business how you feel in your head… I just wish I hadn’t found out like this.   
Jane: I really… I don’t want this to make our friendship weird…   
Terezi: Look… I gotta go… let me call you back tomorrow, okay? This doesn’t feel like something I can resolve in ten or fifteen minutes, okay?   
Jane: Yeah… okay.

* * *

[gallowsCalibrator (GC) / tentacleTherapist (TT) / grimAuxilliatrix (GA) / arachnidsGrasp (AG)]   
GC: C4N YOU GUYS H3LP M3 OUT   
GC: 1 KNOW ROS3 1S 4T H3R WR1T1NG TH1NG   
GC: 4ND K4N4Y4 1S 4T H3R F4SH1ON TH1NG   
GC: VR1SK4'S ON TH3 COMPUT3R PL4Y1NG STUP1D D4V3CR4FT   
GC: BUT 1 N33D SOM3 4DV1C3   
TT: Of course, we have plenty of time to help you out, Rezi.   
GA: I Do Not Have To Be At The Sea City Convention Center For At Least Two Hours   
AG: Karkat's 8eing a dick anyway and hoarding all the ore   
GC: OK4Y SO   
GC: WH3N 1 W4S OV3R 4T J4N3'S PL4C3 1 FOUND TH1S STORY SH3 WROT3   
GC: 1 DON'T TH1NK 4NYON3 W4S SUPPOS3D TO R34D 1T   
GC: 4ND 1 R34D 1T... WH1CH 1 F33L K1ND4 B4D 4BOUT   
GC: BUT 1T H4D H3R 4ND M3 4S CH4R4CT3RS WHO W3R3 ROM4NT1C4LLY 1NVOLV3D   
GC: 4ND... S3XU4LLY 1NVOLV3D   
GC: 4ND SH3 4LSO H4S 4 CRUSH ON M3 TOO, L1K3 1RL   
GC: 4ND 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T TO DO!   
GC: 1 F33L K1ND OF GROSS BUT 4LSO K1ND OF DON'T C4R3 TH4T MUCH   
GC: 1 DON'T TH1NK SH3 M34NT 4NYTH1NG B4D BY 1T   
GC: 4ND 1 DON'T W4NT TH1NGS TO G3T W31RD B3C4US3 J4N3'S 4 GOOD FR13ND   
GC: BUT 1 DON'T F33L TH3 S4M3 W4Y 4BOUT H3R 4S 1 GU3SS SH3 DO3S 4BOUT M3   
GC: 4ND 1 F33L W31RD 4BOUT TH3 STORY TOO   
GC: SO... G1V3 R3Z1 4DV1C3! >:]   
TT: The fact that you don’t share her feelings complicates things.   
TT: Because even with our open relationship structure, you can’t very well do something that would make you uncomfortable.   
TT: And I’m not sure what advice to give you as far as preserving your friendship with her without making things unduly awkward.   
GA: I Am Inclined To Agree With Rose On This   
GA: It Is Unclear How Much This Will Affect Your Friendship With Jane   
GA: And Also If It Would Be Worth The Discomfort You Might Feel   
AG: …   
AG: Did she hurt your feelings?   
GC: 1 GU3SS Y34H, SH3 K1ND4 D1D   
AG: Then she can kiss my ass!   
AG: She doesn't deserve to 8e friends with someone she doesn't respect!   
AG: tl;dr – fuck her!   
GC: VR1S... 1 LOV3 YOU SO MUCH   
GC: BUT PL34S3 L3T M3 H4NDL3 TH1S, OK4Y?   
AG: Okay   
AG: I just…   
AG: I don't like seeing you get hurt... ::::(   
TT: We’re all concerned for you, Terezi – we all want you to be safe and comfortable. If you’re not feeling that way because of this thing with Jane, then we’ll be there to help you however we possibly can.   
GC: 1 KNOW - 1 LOV3 4LL OF YOU TH3 MOST >:]

* * *

[gutsyGumshoe (GG) / endocrineBiohacker (EB)]   
GG: Hey… is Dr. June MD PhD Esq in right now?   
EB: As a matter of fact she is!   
GG: So I had a long and not-great conversation with Terezi and I guess you probably already know what it was about.   
EB: I’m afraid I can’t divulge patient information… but maybe   
GG: Yeah, so… I feel completely stupid about that. I have this dumb crush on Terezi and I figured there wasn’t any harm in exploring it in my story and then it got out of hand and then she read it.   
GG: I never meant for any of this to happen and I feel so bad about it. I don’t want our friendship to be destroyed because of this silly crush I have.   
EB: Okay, so… I think what you did isn’t necessarily the worst thing. You were doing a thought experiment to handle your feelings   
GG: Yeah.   
EB: BUT – I think you also were feeding into unrealistic fantasies while doing it, and that’s part of why you hurt Terezi with it   
GG: Because she’s asexual?   
EB: Exactly – she feels like you disregarded something that’s very important to her. Almost like violating her consent… maybe not quite like that, but close enough. And she’s just coming into being really comfortable communicating those boundaries to her partners.   
GG: How do I just… roll this back?   
EB: You can’t. You already let this one out and now you have to deal with whatever happens   
EB: I know that sounds harsh, but there’s no shortcut – either Terezi will feel better about it and choose to trust you on this or she won’t   
EB: You can help that by being completely honest with her and communicating how you feel   
EB: Question: how important is the idea of having a romantic or sexual relationship with Terezi versus having a platonic relationship with her?   
GG: What?!   
EB: Are you going to let your crush on her sour your friendship or can you accept that she might never want to reciprocate those feelings and move on from the crush and be her friend?   
EB: Or is this something where you feel like you HAVE to be romantic or sexual or it’s not worth it?   
EB: I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but Dr. June MD PhD Esq has to ask the tough questions   
EB: If you want softball June, I’ll have to take off my Doctor-Professor hat   
EB: (It’s not a literal hat, just FYI)   
GG: …   
GG: It’s more important for me to stay friends with her   
GG: I’m gonna want to date her and stuff… maybe for a while… but I can be friends without being weird about it   
GG: I can respect her boundaries   
EB: Good! Make sure to tell her that   
GG: And then she’ll be good?   
EB: I can’t promise that. Only that it’s better than leaving everything up in the air

* * *

Jane: Hey, Terezi   
Terezi: Jane…   
Jane: I’m sorry to call you first, I just… I talked to Dr. June for a bit and I wanted to talk to you.   
Terezi: Okay…   
Jane: I’m really sorry about the story. I shouldn’t have written all that stuff. I think a lot of it was just… me getting away from myself because of how I feel about you.   
Terezi: And how is that exactly? You were a little vague other than having a “heck of a crush on me”   
Jane: Uh… so I think you’re really cute. And I think it’d be really nice to date you. And I think you’re super attractive too… in a lot of ways. I also wish you felt the same way about me.   
Terezi: Jane… you know how I feel. You’re very cute too, and you seem like you’d be a lot of fun to date. But some of the stuff you seem interested in… I’m just really not. I tried to be into it for a long time with someone I’m really in love with and it still felt like work. Now things are different because of Rose and Kanaya and I can… kind of be myself. As much as I like you, I don’t think I can say we’re compatible like that… and I think it’d end up really badly for both of us.   
Jane: Yeah… I kinda think I understood that even when I was writing that stupid story. I think part of me had a crush on a Terezi that… isn’t really Terezi, you know?   
Terezi: Yeah, I actually kinda do.   
Jane: And I feel like that was disrespectful as heck, because you’ve got your own boundaries and you’re a person and not just an idea. And… I don’t want to dismiss that because I actually do really like you so much as a friend too.   
Terezi: Jane, I really don’t want to lose that. I honestly don’t. But if you’re just going to be seeing things as us possibly getting together if you play your cards right… I don’t think I can do that.   
Jane: Honest to God… I’d rather stay friends with you than get so focused on hoping you’ll want to date me someday that I lose that.   
Terezi: Jane… that means a lot to me. I’d rather that happens too!

* * *

Journal 134:   
  
Terezi came over today to hang out and play some games together. I still have no idea how she’s so GOOD at that stuff without even being able to see the screen.   
  
I thought maybe things would be weird, but she wasn’t treating me differently and I think I was okay with it.   
  
I think that I maybe had more of a crush on the IDEA of who Terezi was than who she actually was. But I’m friends with the real Terezi, so maybe that’s worth a heck of a lot more in the end.   
  
I ripped up that story and I don’t think I’ll be finishing it or writing another one. Having Caliborn be the bad guy just felt too on-the-nose and I didn’t even think of a good role for Vriska or June. It’s too bad… seemed like it might’ve been a good potential idea.   
  
Oh well, maybe in another world!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Please consider leaving kudos or a comment if you enjoy this work! I will read all comments and will try to respond to them as appropriate!
> 
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> 
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